mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
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Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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