I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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