in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
