We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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