You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
