wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
