i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
