watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
