yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
