dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
why do cheetos always look like penises
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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