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• (516): View more from New York

  I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.

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• 

  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Gonna be tough to beat that next year!

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight

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• (408): View more from California

  Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!

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• (310): View more from California

  No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"

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