He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Randomize
