i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.