So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits