I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
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after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT