In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
