So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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