I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
