what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
