Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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