Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
