I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
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It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
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It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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