3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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