I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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