At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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