Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
