The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
nutella sex= disaster
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
