We named our party play list daddy issues
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
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while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
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Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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