You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
time to smoke my breakfast
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
