what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
