if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
