You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
