You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
