Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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