My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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