My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
