people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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