ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
