Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
