OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
