Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
