You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
