Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
