u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
