dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
