Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
