def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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