hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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