if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
