I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
