Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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