we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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