I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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