RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
