No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
