I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
