so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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