i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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