the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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