Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
