Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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