We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think I just sharted jello shots
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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