Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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