I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize