I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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