oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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