you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
