5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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