maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need to sanitize my soul.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
