no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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