Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
