Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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