Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
