I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
