Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
