i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
